Fat Man's Family

To my beloved son

2011-12-02T10:17:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I’m moved to really love a song the very first time I hear it. I still remember the very first time I heard Chris Tomlin’s “I Will Rise”. I was driving along the highway and nearly had to pull off the road because of the tears and the overwhelming urge to raise my hands high in praise.

But more often I’ll barely notice a new song the first few times I hear it. Then a phrase will catch my ear and I’ll think, “That’s cool.” Then at some point after having heard it many times that same song will hit me right square in the heart. It happened a few weeks ago with ”Rise” by Shawn McDonald.

Hey! Maybe there’s a rising-above-all-these-troubles-and-trials theme developing here…

Well it happened again this morning with “Every Time You Run” by Manifest. I’ve heard it several times already. And a phrase or two had caught my attention. But this morning the message of the song nailed my heart to the ~~wall~~ cross.

My God! Even right now as I read through these lyrics and listen to this song tears are running down my face.

I love you, Wes. I love you my precious, beloved son.

Manifest – “Every Time You Run”

Last night got a little crazy
I don’t remember, woke up spun with the pasties
My friends say I was tweaked out,
Passed out on a dirty coach, still in the house
It kind a scares me, I don’t know
Am out of control, always waking up still in my clothes
I wrote a note that said goodbye to pain, good bye to shame
But couldn’t find a way, I just cry for days
I’m so depressed, soak in wet, I can’t rest
These thoughts just beat me to death I’m un-kept
I thought of a song my mom used to sing in church
But it’s been so long I can’t remember the words

Chorus (Jesus):
Every time you run, every time you hide
Every time it hurts, every time you cry
Every time you run away, every time you hide your face
And it feels so far away, I’m right here, with you

I keep sleeping in don’t want to wake up
I keep hearing from the landlord pay up
Hide my face in my pillow till the sunsets
Hung over and I haven’t seen a pay check
I took a job downtown at the factory
I was hired and fired with no salary
I keep running from responsibility
It’s seems impossible, the pressure is hitting me
I know I need to man up, or sit down
Stand up and get out of this crowd
I thought of a song my mom used to sing in church
But it’s been so long I can’t remember the words

Chorus (Jesus):
Every time you run, every time you hide
Every time it hurts, every time you cry
Every time you run away, every time you hide your face
And it feels so far away, I’m right here, with you

Well I know I’m not ready to die, But I’ve
Sure thought about the meaning of life
Cause I can’t seem to find a purpose for me
It’s just the choices and I fail to proceed
I got a “get up, get up, get up, get up
Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up
I hear voices in my mind, ones a devil, ones Jesus
I can feel it can you help me find the pieces
Like an angel on my shoulder, you hold the
Joy of the lord raising up a soldier
You gave me the song my mom used to sing in church
I promised not to quit and I remembered the words
I promised not to quit and I remembered the words

Chorus (Jesus):
Every time you run, every time you hide
Every time it hurts, every time you cry
Every time you run away, every time you hide your face
And it feels so far away, I’m right here, with you

I promised not to quit and I remembered the words
I promised not to quit and I remembered the words

And it feels so far away, I’m right here, with you

Now THIS is REALLY living !!!!!

2011-08-29T16:04:00.002-05:00

My soon-to-be-6-year-old grandson got an oversized blowup baseball bat at a local festival. Naturally, it became the latest of his secret weapons whose sole purpose is to destroy Papaw. We took turns beating each other all over the house with it this weekend.

:-)

At one point he was wailing on me with it while I was looking in the refrigerator for some needed fuel to continue the battle. He was pounding away kind of like the boy in the Volkswagen commercial.

He paused just long enough to say, "Now THIS is REALLY living !!!!"

...then continued wailing on me with his secret-weapon-specially-designed-to-destroy-Papaw.

HAhahahahahaha !!!!!!!!

If he only knew how powerfully true that sentiment was in my heart at that exact moment ...

Pride Alert !!!!

2011-08-22T10:56:00.000-05:00

We attended the White Coat Ceremony for our daughter's entrance into the Pharmacy program at the University of Kentucky Friday at the Singletary Center for the Arts. What a lovely ceremony !!!!!!!

We are so very proud of our baby girl !!!!!!!

After the ceremony we had dinner with her, her roommate, and her roommate's family. It was a lovely day and evening.

Thank You, Lord, for Your many, many blessings on our family !!!!!!!

By the way, my baby girl makes fun of me for using so many excalation points. :-)

Moving my Baby Girl Tomorrow ...

2011-08-11T10:45:00.000-05:00

I'm so proud of my baby girl !!!!!

After only 3 years of undergraduate work she has been accepted into one of the top pharmacy schools in the country at the University of Kentucky. Moving her to Lexington tomorrow. Her White Coat Ceremony is next Friday.

So. Very. Proud.

I told her she was going to have to get a cat or something, though, because I'm keeping her dog.

Yea, right !!!!!

Outstanding !!!

2011-05-06T08:46:00.000-05:00

That's my girl !!!!!!!

She DOES own the Net!

2007-04-20T08:45:00.000-05:00

I finally got to watch Brittany play tennis this season. In a doubles match that may preview the regional championship match, my daughter and her partner lost in the tie-breaker.

But she did "OWN" the net!

You go, girl!

By the way, if my daughter heard me say, "You go, girl!", she would tell me in a most patronizing tone to never, ever say that again.

She "OWNS" at the Net!

2007-04-19T07:46:00.000-05:00

I hadn't been able to watch my daughter, Brittany, play tennis this season until last night. We had talked about some of her matches. She told me the night before she and her partner were down four games to love in their doubles match. They came back to win the match 6 games to 4!

She said, "I owned at the net!"

That is so cool!

I didn't even know they had a match last night. I thought she was supposed to have practice. I was preparing to mow the lawn when I found out it was an actual match. I had her to call me when it was her turn to play.

When I checked my cell phone, I had two missed calls from Brittany. I rode my lawn mower to the park to watch her play (My car was with her at the park). By the time I got there the match was already nearly over. Brittany and her partner were up 6 games to love. Apparantly, in a district match at her level of play, they play 8-game matches instead of 6-game matches. So I got to see her play the last two games.

Yep, she OWNS at the net!

BAM!

2006-12-11T14:02:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how little it takes for a serious accident to occur and how quickly it can happen!

I was driving around a mild curve when I sneezed twice. When I looked up I didn't even have time to react.

BAM!

Head on collision with an on-coming vehicle!

Thanks to God Almighty and automotive safety engineers everywhere, both the other driver and I walked away from this horrific crash!

Quick Update

2006-11-08T08:45:00.000-05:00

I'm still incredibly busy at work and don't have time to blog like I wish I could. But last night's election results forced me to comment on Fat Man's Corner. So I thought I'd give a quick update here before I get back to non-blogging. :o(

Since my last post - 3 months ago! - we've reconciled with our son. Actually, that happened shortly after my last post. Thanks to my wife's unwaivering faith and prayers he came home. It was genuinely beautiful, heartwarming, and reaffirming. He's a great guy and I'm proud of the man he's becoming.

Also, again thanks to my wife's unwaivering faith and prayers, we got Wes enrolled into a fantastic college (though small and very remote) this fall.

Note to self:

I really need to post detail about Louetta's faith and prayers and their miraculous results.

I also need to post about the rest of my family. Posting on this blog started out during a serious family crisis and has been dominated by that topic. I have a wonderful family. I need to introduce them all.

When I have time I will. But now I have to get back to work.

God bless.

Light posting for a while

2006-08-09T12:42:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted anything for several days. Posting will be VERY light for a while. We're in the middle of a major hardware and software conversion at work.

I'll be OK, though. I'm only up to my ankles in it. The problem is I jumped in head first!

In Spite of it all, I believe

2006-08-04T01:22:00.000-05:00

It's 2:00 AM and I'm lying in bed wide awake.

I have so much to be thankful for and so many blessings in my life. Yet my son still won't come home. I have no idea why he has rejected us.

He came home for a couple of nights last week and went to my mother's birthday party with us. It was nice. As soon as we returned home, he was gone again.

His mother is crying on my shoulder.

This is a most difficult time.

But I know all things will work out fine.

We placed our children in God's hands when they were babies. We made a vow to trust God to keep them safe, to keep their hearts pure, and to open their eyes to His wonderful, unshakable, everlasting love.

We asked the Lord to make us Christ-like examples for our children. Certainly, we failed many times to display the nature of Jesus Christ to our children. But we tried.

I knew all along there may come times when our children may make mistakes, even grievous mistakes. I know it's God's will that we love them even then - especially then.

I love my son. I refuse to succumb to grief and lack of faith. All things will be well. Relationships will be healed. Our feet will find righteous paths again.

Not because I want it to be. Not because I have such strong faith. But because God is honorable. God is good. He tells me He knows the plans He has for us. He plans to do us good not evil.

I believe difficult times serve a purpose. They show us our needs. They show us what is lacking. They show is the power of God to deliver.

Knowing this is a comfort. But this is still a difficult time.

Pray for us as we seek to learn from God what we need, what is lacking, what we must do, how we must be, and in what manner He will deliver us from this trial.

Lord Jesus I lift your name up in praise as I turn to you with all humility. Heal us, Lord. Love us. Teach us how to heal. Teach us to love. Create in us a new heart and restore the joy of Thy salvation to our hearts.

It's almost like a death

2006-07-27T19:11:00.000-05:00

I was seven years old when my sister, Linda, picked me up from school. I was in the first grade in Mrs. Parton's class. My father had died. Before I knew what was going on he was gone.

For years I've had dreams about my dad. In almost all of them I would see him and ask him where he's been all this time. I needed him and he was gone.

All through my childhood - especially my teenage years - I missed him terribly. Without him I floundered from one bad decision to another. I really missed him. I needed him. A son needs his dad.

It's a wonder I survived. Several of my friends did not.

No, it's not a wonder. It's the grace of God, the unmerited grace of God. There's simply no other way I could have been so blessed with such a great family.

That's why my son's leaving has been so hurtful. I didn't see it coming. Before I knew what was going on he was gone. It's almost like a death.

Before you think I'm being overly dramatic, try my shoes on for a while.

Raise a son. Nurse him through childhood diseases. Coach his Little League team. Homeschool him. Video tape him at seven years old giving a "sermon" at an event for the local home schoolers. Drive all over the state to watch him play basketball. Be a buddy to him. Watch him grow into a young man. Be proud of him for the man he is becoming, kind and gentle.

Then have him vanish in anger without so much as calling to let us know he's safe.

Watch his mother play and re-play his last message on the answering machine just so she can hear his voice.

Then tell me it's not almost like a death.

I know in all likelihood this is only a temporary situation. I have complete trust in God that Wes will be reconciled to his family.

But right now it's almost like a death.

Thank you all

2006-07-26T07:36:00.000-05:00

I've had several friends and family members ask me how things are going with my son.

God bless you all and thank you for your concern and prayers. Please continue to pray.

It's a difficult situation for us. I will try to post more as I'm able. I had planned on using this blog as therapy for myself in this situation. I assumed, given the flood of thoughts and emotions I'm experiencing, it would be easy to fill up a blog with posts.

But it's the flood that's the problem. There are so many conflicting thoughts and feelings that it's difficult to harness it all into a coherent post. Anguish, despair, hope, faith, love, doubt, fear, and much more; I feel them all.

Thankfully though, I'm confident all things will be well. I serve a God that is able. I placed my family and all our hopes and desires in His hands long before this happened. I will not faulter. I will not faint. I believe, Lord, help Thou me in my unbelief.

Again, thank you all for your concern and especially for your prayers. Please continue.

Also, I encourage you to comment. That's one of the great things about a blog.

Reach 'n Grab, Children

2006-07-21T15:31:00.000-05:00

"Reach 'n grab, children. Reach 'n grab. Make yourself at home."

Zellie Isaac would always say that with a smile while she was putting food on the table. She was happy to feed us. And feed us she did! Southern cooking at its best, for sure.

A typical meal would include pork chops, green beens, fried potatoes, corn, corn bread or maybe bisquits and fried apples. I'm telling you, I don't care what part of the world you come from. You could not sit still and eat that stuff. It was incredible. Zellie was a great cook and she loved to feed family and friends.

And Zellie was a great friend.

Who is Zellie? Zellie is my wife's 2nd or 3rd cousin or something like that. I'm not sure really. But to me she was like an aunt.

I was barely 22 years old when I moved to Kentucky. I was amazed at how close my new wife was to all her family. I would joke that she knew her 6th cousins better than I knew some of my 1st cousins.

And it's true. I have 1st cousins who still live within 20 miles of where I grew up and I can't tell you anything about them other than their name and how they are related to me. I know some better than others. But there's only a very few that I know well enough to know their spouses or children.

Things are different here, though. We would travel 40 or 50 miles to visit with Zellie and her children, Ray and Tiny, and their families. It was always fun. I'll never forget it. It has become a part of me. I look back on those days like I look back on my childhood. It was part of my growing up.

I was a young adult and already married when I met Zellie, her husband, Ed, and their children. But they were an important part of a life change that took place in me - a growing up. They were part of what made me come to realize just how important family is. You're grounded and settled when you belong to a family. You're somehow safe.

Zellie died yesterday morning. She will be sorely missed. But she will never be forgotten.

God bless you, Zellie, and your whole family!

I Apologize

2006-07-20T14:19:00.000-05:00

I want to apologize for acting like an idiot last night. There is no excuse for my actions and attitude. I'm supposed to be an example of Christ-like behavior for my children and anyone else who might notice.

Last night that all went out the window. Rather than following Christ, I followed my own faulty heart. I let my natural emotions get the better of my spirit. The result is an insult to Christ and damaged feelings all around.

I pray that result will, by the Grace of God (it can only be by the grace of God), be reversed. I pray hearts are healed, minds are changed, and peace restored. Not only that peace be restored, but that a more blessed environment be established than before.

God can do that. It's what He does best.

My heart is broken. I'm so ashamed of myself.

Please forgive me.

I Never Imagined

2006-07-20T09:18:00.000-05:00

I never imagined this would be my first "family" post. I assumed my first post on this blog would be a light, fluffy introductory posting.

Not so.

Last night, Wednesday, July 19, 2006, my 18 year old son decided in a fit of anger that he "would never sleep another night" in our house.

Of course his fit of anger was matched by my own. What a pathetic excuse of an example to a young man! There was even a bit of a wrestling match, which is pretty stupid on my part even if you ignore the "role model" aspect I was supposed to be displaying. I'm almost 5' 10" and beginning to feel my age. My son is almost 6' 4", athletic, and beginning to feel his age.

In response to his declaration of independence, I told him he would not be allowed back into the house until he cleared it with me first. Of course that was a lie, the implication anyway.

How did it ever come to this? I was supposed to be the "good cop" in our family environment. His mother has always been the worrier, concerned about this friend or that activity. Her sometimes accusatory probings often resulted in arguments between the two. I was the one who always tried to remind her that Wes is a genuinely good boy and that he was not lurching to the dark side.

I would also try to convince my son that he should respect his mother even if he disagreed with her and was upset with her. After all, she is his mother.

It's not that we have a brawling family. The vast majority of the time we truly enjoy one another's presence. We have fun together. But occasionally ...

I thought last night would be just like the other times. Mom was mad. Wes was mad. I would try to calm the situation. I only meant to plead to his hopefully still existent sense of respect for his mother. But I detected disrespect toward me.

For some reason that set me off. I have a temper, too! I've tried to work on that for years now. By God's grace I almost never lose my temper any more. I thank God for that. It's truly been a blessing to our family. But I'm not perfect in that area and there have been tantrums scattered through the years.

I shoved. He shoved back. We wrestled around on our feet a while. Then, thank God, we stopped as I think neither of us wanted to escalate the situation.

I'm so ashamed. I'm so sorry.

I'm going to let him do whatever he wants to do. He's 18. What else can I do? But I hope to see him this evening as I take some of his things to him at his friend's house. I pray that he will be willing to receive my apologies. I pray that I can communicate them well and with all humility.

I pray that he understands he is ALWAYS welcome in our home. It's his home, too.

If anyone reading this knows the Lord Jesus Christ, and if you are so inclined, please pray that healing comes to our home. This is not the way I imagined sending my son off into the great, wide world.